112 Ways To Annoy Edward Cullen
by Mania954
Summary: I found this and posted no credit for me. First posting.


I found this. So i dont take any credit.

1. Call him Eddie. All the time.  
2. Give yourself a paper cut, show him the blood, then put your finger in your mouth and say "Mmm. Delicious! Want some?"  
3. Ask him to help you do something impossible, like accomplish world peace, and when he has trouble say, "I'm sure Jacob could help me."  
4. Drive REALLY slowly.  
5. Volunteer him for a blood drive.  
6. Hold up a bottle of ketchup and say, "LOOK! BLOOOOOOD!!!!"  
7. Hang up posters that say "I love Jacob Black" all over his room.  
8. Make him hug all the werewolves that live in La Push.  
9. Follow him around everywhere.  
10. Push him over the boundary line.  
11. Tell him Bella decided to marry Jacob.  
12. Tell him you saw Mike Newton romancing Bella in the cafeteria on those days he went "camping".  
13. Scream and yell in public about how he's a stalker, watching Bella sleep every night and following her everywhere.  
14. Tell him y0u think his piano playing is horrible and he's tone deaf.  
15. Ask him out.  
16. Then ask him how old he is.  
17. Then drop your jaw and say, "oh my GAWD! YOU'RE OLD!!"  
18. Imagine him naked while following him around.  
19. Tell him that you know what Bella is thinking.  
20. And when he asks you what she's thinking, skip away saying you're not going to tell him.  
21. Try to take his pulse and freak out when he doesn't have any.  
22. Throw Holy water at him and scream something about exorcism when you learn he's a vampire.  
23. Tell him he needs a tan. Then take him to a tanning salon,  
24. Tell him that Bella and Mike Newton would make a good couple.  
25. Tell him you think he's a sex god.  
26. Then laugh and joke about him being a virgin.  
27. Then call him a 107-year-old virgin.  
28. Ask him why everyone in his family has bigger muscles than him,  
29. Run around with a lighter, threatening to light him on fire if he comes any closer.  
30. Tell him Bella went to Italy to have Aro turn her into a vampire.  
31. When he's in Italy, go up to him and say, "just kidding."  
32. Begin to sing "the llama song" but change the lyrics to "here's a Cullen, there's a Cullen. and another little Cullen. Fuzzy Cullen, funny Cullen, Cullen, Cullen, TRUCK!". Right in his ear.  
33. Ask him to turn you into a vampire.  
34. When he refuses, beg him and threaten him with Bella's life.  
35. When he finally agrees to bite you, whisper, "I can't wait until Bella hears this."  
36. When he bites you, scream in agonizing pain and begin to cry while saying "how could you do this to a perfect little girl like me?"  
37. Once you change into a vampire, go up to him and tell him you bit Bella.  
38. Tell him that he was right and her blood does smell amazing and you were unable to resist. Sorry.  
39. Tell him you can now read his mind and that he should be ashamed at the...graphic ways he pictures Bella.  
40. When he attempts to explain himself tell him you were just kidding and that you got him to admit he pictures Bella that way.  
41. Then run off saying you're going to go tell Bella.  
42. Tell him in public that you've seen him and Jacob running around at night. Then wink at him.  
43. Push him into the sun and start running around him screaming the lyrics to "Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend."  
44. Tell him he looks cold and ask him if he wants you to get him a space heater.  
45. Begin to use large and elegant words for an entire conversation, then ask him what you meant.  
46. Kiss him and don't pull away even when he tries to push you off. *you're still a vampire. You're just as strong as him*  
47. Question him about why he has a cross in his house if he's a vampire.  
48. Ask him what happened to Cedric at the end of Harry Potter. Inquire about whether Voldemort is really Carlisle in disguise and if Voldemort/Carlisle actually attacked Cedric and instead of killing him, he turned him into a vampire.  
49. Invite him to a bonfire in La Push.  
50. Buy him a pet dog and name it Jacob Black.  
51. Tell Rosalie that Edward thinks she's ugly. Let Rosalie do the rest.  
52.  
53. Have Emmett challenge Edward to an arm wrestling match.  
54. Sing "Seventeen Forever" by Metro Station anytime you're around him.  
55. For Halloween, pour glitter on yourself and walk around saying, "I'm Edward Cullen."  
56 Call him your 'cuddly wuddly Eddikins'. Every time you see him.  
57. Ask him how Dracula is.  
58. When he asks 'what?' say, "you know, your distant cousin."  
59. Buy Edward a frozen dinner and cook it up. Then tell him you spent hours making the food. Tell him to eat it.  
60. When he refuses, get all upset and running away crying.  
61. Convince him to join the track team.  
62 Run around singing Edward and Bella sitting in a tree, H-U-N-T-I-N-G!  
63. Slip love notes into his locker and sign them 'Jacob Black'  
64. Ask him why he likes watching Bella sleep. Then call him a pervert.  
65. for his birthday give him a $100 McDonalds gift card, and get offended when he tells you he doesn't eat food.  
66. Ask Edward if Charlie is secretly a unicorn.  
67. Force him to watch Hairspray.  
68. Then ask him why he's not as hot as Zac Efron,  
69. When he says he is, ask him why he isn't the star of singing high school people.  
70. Ask him where babies come from.  
71. When he won't tell you, call him stupid.  
72. Ask him where he buys his contact lenses. For like, a year.  
73. Get all of your friends to buy red contacts and pale make-up.  
74. Then move to the Cullen's table at lunch.  
75. Make a sign that says 'Werewolf Lover's Club' and set it on the table.  
76 Crash his Volvo.  
77. Tell him Jasper did it.  
78. Get a big group together to discuss what you want to be when you grow up.  
79. When it's your turn, say unnecessarily loudly, "I want to be a monster. But somebody" -throw a pointed glance in Edward's direction - "won't let me."  
80. Tell Alice Edward wants her to paint his room.  
81. Barbie's Dream House style.  
82. Go up to Bella while she's with Edward and hand her a bra saying, "Jacob said to give this back to you."  
83. Tell him Bella is pregnant.  
84. And Jacob is the father.  
85. Jump up on a table at lunch and tell everyone that Edward had sex with Mike  
86. And Embry  
87. And Jacob  
88. And Sam  
89. And Seth  
90. And Leah  
91. And Quil  
92. And Connor  
93. And various other werewolves  
94. Tell him you know his secret.  
95. And you're going to tell everyone.  
96. When he asks what secret, hopefully in public, scream as loud as possible "I KNOW YOU'RE A VIRGIN!"  
97. Every single time you see a car, ask him what kind it is. Every. Single. Time.  
98. Start a food fight in the cafeteria and throw nothing but garlic bread at him.  
99. When he asks what you're doing, say, "Oh, would you prefer mountain lion?"  
100. Run around thinking "I know something you don't!" all day.  
101. Tell him you think Chuck Norris could take him on.  
102. Over the school announcements have them say, "Whoever owns the silver Volvo, your lights are on." For a year.  
103. Call him in the middle of the night and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, did I wake you?"  
104. Tell him Bella called. When he asks what she wanted say "her virginity back."  
105. Challenge him to a breath holding contest and constantly accuse him of cheating.  
106. After you accuse him of cheating, challenge him to a rematch. Repeat this...I dunno, let's say 1000 times.  
107. When he's sitting on his bed, march into his room and sit on the edge of his bed. When he asks what you're doing, tell him you're not leaving until he falls asleep.  
108. When he tells you he can't sleep, threaten to him that Santa won't come.  
109. Put a live pigeon in his pants.  
110. Then offer to get it out.  
111. Get an arsenal of gay men to hit on him constantly.  
112. Follow him around constantly with a hair dryer. When he asks what you are doing, say you're ghost hunting.


End file.
